so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
