GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
