Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
