dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
