the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
