I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
