What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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