quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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