yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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