I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you win again, gameday.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
