just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
