Pregnant stripper...not hot.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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