the condom got lost in my hair
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
