R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
