i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
