my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
