I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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