Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
