she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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