I think my fart just growled at me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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