Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
