how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
