This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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