Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
