There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
