matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I need to align my fucking chakras
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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