if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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