we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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