the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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