wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize