She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
