Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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