if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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