there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I supernannyed him into submission
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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