i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
