So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
