We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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