don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize