Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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