can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
