I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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