He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
