went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
