yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
