the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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