Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
