OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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