its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize