I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
two words: eviction party
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
