PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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