I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
