At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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