my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
