Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
