i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I wear drunk well.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
