You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
