the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
