Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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