ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
