I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
