D3 body, D1 cock
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
