This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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