Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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