it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
