Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
