my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How drunk are you?
Completed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
