I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
