So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
