hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
