dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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