Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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