yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
