Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize