Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
