At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
