Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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