I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
