She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
